Mar 29, 2007


Could one be so madly in love that they cannot tolerate the intrusion to the mind space of their beloved, even if the intruder is just a piece of writing?

Written words, I argue, are the most potent, virulent, and the oldest super species on earth that pulsate with life.
They are blessed with immortality. With power that can destroy the strongest establishments. With passion that no human can possess. With feelings that no lover can induce. With energy that could tire the winds. With persistence that shames the waves. With magnetism that can reduce a free soul to a slave.

With the potential to steal away a heart...

With so much at stake, how can one say that it's just the insecurity that makes one ache with envy?

Mar 26, 2007

Magic Number

I had this sneaking suspicion all this while. I have had dreams - pleasant and unpleasant ones on this.
Today was the day of confirmation.
I have reached the magic number - that sticky one which will refuse to let go of me no matter how hard I try (why does this remind me of the melting cheese on a hot pizza? Never mind..)

Shouldn't I be happy? I have joined the ranks of "healthy" people.
Should I be sad? Fifty does not sound so bad...

Mar 23, 2007

"Medaam, life is so costly"

Sometimes, one does wonder about the time, situation and the appropriateness for having a "sensible chat". The time and the situation change the condition accordingly – it could be absolutely horrendous or perfectly sensible. Life Insurance taught me that.

Scenario: Me getting hounded by an insurance agent disguised as our photocopier assistant.

The line was growing longer and longer every time I peeked into the admin room.
Reason: one working photocopying machine with an assistant to help out.
Time: Last day to complete the investment proofs for tax purpose.
I, belonging to the greater population that believes in Just In Time concept, gingerly joined the queue. Every time I heard a groan in the line I feared for the life of photocopying machine. Finally after forty minutes of PTIO (productive-time-in the-office) spent on shuffling legs trying to avoid insensitive sods that moved back and forth like fourth standard kids during prayer, I got a glimpse of the machine. And the man.

If you are in a tearing hurry, fearing your monster of a boss to appear out of nowhere, what would you do? - Give the man your document, avoid eye contact and ask him for 2 copies phataaphat. I did EXACTLY that.
Sigh.. I don’t know what part of my sentence provoked him to start a conversation with me. Looked like he had the faculty of divyadrishti to identify the potential bakras.

He: Medaam, ee varshaddu tax papersaa? (Papers for this year's tax?)
Me: (Avoiding his gaze) Umm…
He: Full amount aitha medaam? (Have you invested for the full amount?)
Me: (Highly embarrassed) Umm no…
He: Medaam, our life very important no? Life is so costly (I am sure he meant precious, but I didn’t have the gall to check), we working so hardly for our family...

I was growing confused - have I met a Socrates Reincarnated?
In an instant, it became all too clear.

He: Medaam, insurence madidra? LIC policy thagondbidi (Have you insured yourself? Take an LIC policy)
Me: Sir, I am getting late, can you give my copies?
He: Medaam, thumba easy (very easy)... Jest one form filling medaam..
Other JITians are already getting restless - some whispering curses in a not-so-low tone and some stifling giggles at my condition
Me: (Going red in the face and almost begging) I have to run for a meeting now; I will come back and collect the form ok?
He: (With knotted eyebrows and curled up mouth) Eveningaa medaam? I meeting you here only medaam..
Me: (Almost running) yes yes...
He: Medaam, See you at 5..... I waiting…

I could see scandalous assumptions that the growing group of JITians was making, having heard only the last sentence. I wanted to jump out of the second floor at that instant and end it all, but for the 'Life is Costly' statement.

Ever since, I sneak around with furtive glances scanning the horizon before I leave my unit.

Mar 14, 2007

Inward Focus

This was forwarded by a colleague of mine…

“Some of us waste our time waiting for people
to live up to our expectations.
We are so concerned about what others are doing
that we don’t do anything ourselves.
It is not so important what others are upto;
compared to what you are doing.
Focus on what you do, your work; Not on others.”

Mar 13, 2007

The alternate Identity

The discovery of pet names must be as old as the human civilization. (Of course no googling was done on this! - this can be another heavy duty exercise in itself). No, it is not the name of a pet as one would automatically assume, rather, those sweet somethings that are used on unsuspecting humans who have no way of escaping once the term is carved out of nowhere.

The root cause for converting/shortening names or rechristening of people can be many - affection, or lack of it, ease of use, fad (which has lasted generations!), social obligations (check with Bengalis or Punjabis for this!) or just-for-the-heck of-it. Whatever be the case, I have always been fascinated (partly because I never had one) by those ingenious minds who coin these names. I mean one does have to have a streak of genius/madness to come up with names that sound like some incoherent chatter of monkeys - tibbi, chichi, peekaachoo ... Haa!! what not!

It would be considered a social offense if you do not have a pet name in places inhabited by 'ami tumi's and ' Oye chakkde phatte's (Oh! you don’t have a pet name? - you poor thing, looks like your mommie/daddy doesn’t love you) All those chintu, mintu, boskey, babbloo, lolo, molus of the alternate identity world would be genuinely surprised about the lack of "cute" little words that emphasize the affection hoarded on one's offspring. In South Indian families, I have noticed a relatively lower prevalence of pet names that extend into one’s life to become official names (Pinki, Dabboo or something similar). It could be that I have met quite a small sample of the above mentioned population but that has convinced me to go ahead with the assumption. You are welcome to prove me wrong. :)

Of course, one must not I repeat, not confuse my ramblings as dislike towards these names. On the contrary, they have been a source of inspiration to me – to try creating new words of my own; mind you it’s quite a challenge to get an absolutely meaningless word to sound sweet/romantic/affectionate/disgust – the entire range; just right enough to suit the mood and the occasion.

These small little words have the habit of causing devastating effects – try calling out your six feet tall brother’s pet name “Putta” (meaning small/tiny in Kannada) when he is out playing cricket with his friends and see his reaction; rather, don’t wait for the aftermath action. Or, the time when there is an office conference call scheduled to be taken from home and your mom picks up the phone only to yell “Chinnuuu….phone for you….” to the awaiting phirang world.

On a serious note, I find using customized names to be very very enchanting – as long as they are done in private. Who wouldn’t turn into defenseless blob of butter on hearing his/her sweetheart’s voice cooing the magic word? (Honeybun, sugarplum, sweetie pie – for those with epicurean orientation; contrasting with others such as baby, love, sweetheart, melody, whatever whatever…) The warmth of love overflows when parents call out their sons/daughters (beta, naanna, babu, putti, chinni, chitti, bangaari, muddu, kanna, etc etc – forgive me for relative lack of knowledge in this namology domain of our northern counterparts)

So, I wouldn’t dare say what’s in a name – well, so much of course!

Mar 12, 2007


There they are - zooming in on me,
chasing me every where I go
like moths raving over the flickering light..
Only it does not seem so right.
Eating me up slowly...
making me feel like a lowly.

Is this right? Is this true?
Have I been blinded
Have I been a fool?
Heart forecasts doubled sunshine and trippled laughter
mind whispers - Oh! whatever...

I am scared, ashamed all at once
Doubting my own love and feeling blue...
Where is this all going to end?
no idea, no clue..

The feeling of helplessness creeps in when one goes through THE DILEMMA.
Self-doubt is the best weapon towards self destruction.

Mar 8, 2007

The Drought

I fear the drought
I fear the drought that kills the sprout,
the promise of a new beginning ...
that hesitant struggle to a delicate sapling
Sprinkle the elixir, my love

Fear and suspicion – the growing weeds
Leaving us with no more needs
sapping our hearts, drying the earth
Silence embracing emptiness
emptiness leading to hopelessness
To a barren land of no return

Oh, I fear the drought!
Sprinkle the elixir, my love...
Before the drought kills the sprout

Women - What say?

Women's Day. Today almost the entire universe would talk, write, debate and sing about the significance of 'celebrating' the day, the progress that has been made, the contribution to humanity etc etc. On similar lines there will be 'deep thoughts' about the real story that is not apparent to the world and male bashing that comes along with the thought process.

End of day, no one knows which thoughts are genuine, arising out of real concern for the development of (the word itself is a disgrace) womenfolk. All in all it is a mixed bag of achievements, over expectations from self and others (read species counterparts), ready suspicion towards anything that appears a wee bit different from general cynicism and a shocking indifference towards the oppressor (at least in some cases).

Would it not make sense to appreciate the society for the support that is being offered but trust ‘Self’ for the supposed 'development'?

Mar 5, 2007

Honeymoon Timepass

Weekend was movie time after a long gap. Sticking to my usual rule of procrastination, I watched 'Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd' by Reema Kagti. I am not much of a movie goer and a movie review is definitely not my cup of tea since my knowledge of technicalities involved in movie making is just about the same as a peacock's expertise in singing. Despite the declaration, I shall attempt to describe what I felt watching the above mentioned.

Without going too much in to details of the story, let me say the movie is about six couples who planned their honeymoon to Goa in a tourist bus. For once, the movie evoked decent laughs with humour that was not really run-of-the-mill kind. But yes, there were times I wished the director had thought a little longer (especially the superman/superwoman scene)
The best couple was Partho and Milli - I wanted to start a fan club for the delectable Partho but found out that this effort would require some kind of activity from my side, so I wisely dropped the idea. Kay kay (Partho) - how did malluland produce such a darling? I fail to understand. His portrayal of a husband who is uncomfortable with PDA was so hilarious and touching that it reminded me of my own beloved Potter. Raima sen (Milli) was a surprise (could be because I have never seen her in any other films except Parineeta and that is as good as her being absent from the flick).

Our dear oldies - Shabana and Boman Irani (sadly, I cant remember their screen names) were not given much scope and yet, I found Boman Irani quite cute with Shabana not having to do much at all hence, quite dumb.

Aspi and Zara (Abhay deol and Minisha Lamba) are nothing to write about except that Ms. Lamba looked good even in close ups.

Ranvir - 'Hites(h)' was a gem that had just five minutes to sparkle. He was amazing, reminded me of some of my gujju friends back in gujjudes(h). Diya Mirza ('Silpaa') does little (neither song/dance sequence nor an eye candy material to the male species - but of course that's my opinion!) and Arjun Rampal was nicely forgotten during the drafting of this post (only later did I realize and correct my mistake!).

Who else? Amisha Patel and some Karan guy (sorry Karan, not to be getting offended) as Pinky and Viky are passable, at least better than the previously mentioned couple. Amisha Patel did manage to humour me with her silly woman act, complete with off-the-track sense of style and misplaced attitude - commonly found up north. I appreciate Karan's efforts (though not very successful) portraying his agony in the realization of the effect of another homo sapiens on him.

Sandhya Mridul and Vikram Chatwal as Madhu and Bunty were also quite pale - I dont know what could have been better, but I am fond of Sandhya Mridul (for no apparent reason) and I was slightly disappointed with her performance. The best part of the movie was the song of course - Sajna ji wari wari... I loved it and I just wanted to join Kay kay in that mad jump hop skip act. Others (if any, in the movie) - I am not bothered.

So, all in all it was a well spent saturday evening that ended with a dinner with the cousin junta.

Mar 2, 2007


I used to love my earlier blog layout... suddenly I see that it does not appear how it supposed to appear... So, it had to go...

Two sides of a screen

Writing is a curse. A disease that won't go away. A temptation that I cannot resist. An agony that I have to endure. For days, I will be in the vacuum mode where no thoughts can enter the realm of writing, a dazed brain that sturggles every minute to crystallize a simple sentence. This frustrates me to no end, no subject seems fascinating and there is a general feeling of despair. The thought paralysis spreads to other activites and the final stage is self pity.

The other leg of the journey is equally arduous.

The days when the heart seems to sing and brain is high on ink (or key board sound) words seem to tumble out like passengers from the bus to tirupati.They seem to run all around me and all I have to do is catch them and order them around - make them dance for my pleasure or put them on a march.